MHA #11, Wednesday after classes

[heroic_jawline]

Steve had been collecting Wanda's mail since their conversation on Thursday, but the small mountain of holiday gift catalogues was now the size of Patriot and the corgi had tried to climb up it twice, so he was back in front of Wanda's apartment to put them inside. He'd brought an empty garbage bag, too, to clear out her fridge: Wanda hadn't known when she was returning (he was choosing to think 'when' and not 'if') and he didn't want her to turn around and leave because the apartment smelled like regret and three month old salad greens.

He got to the door and frowned at the glowing red light coming out from under it. It wasn't extremely noticeable but how had he missed seeing that when he raced over on Thursday to be sure the everything was locked up? He should've gone in then to turn lights off. Wanda's electrical bill was going to be ridiculous and Steve felt a little guilty about that as he reached into his pocket for the spare key Wanda'd given him after the first oops-I'm-an-animal transformation.

"Wow," Steve said, opening the door and blinking at what was waiting for him inside. That was...that was a lot of plant there...taking up most of the living room. Apparently the pulsing red light was really good for it? He put the stack of mail down on the nearest flat surface and gave the plant a placating smile and a wave. You know, just in case. "I'm going to clean out the kitchen," he told it. "Do you need water or anything?"

The plant, being a plant, said nothing but Steve had been an Avenger--and in Fandom--too long to completely trust it. "This'll just take me a few minutes," he said, feeling a little silly about talking to a plant as he made his way towards what he hoped was the kitchen. He got halfway there when the plant reached out a branch? Tentacle? Something for his leg and yanked him back and then up.

Steve sighed heavily as he tried to get his bearings from Wanda's ceiling. "Terrific," he muttered, flailing for his cell phone. Tony was never going to stop laughing about this.

[OOC: For the husband! Wanda's apartment and contents modded with scarlet_chaos's gracious approval.]

Comments

[imafuturist]

Well, Tony was pretty quick to answer his phone as he collected his coffee order over at The Perk after they'd split from class.

"I'm a terrible cleaner," he reminded Steve in lieu of a hello.

[heroic_jawline]

There was a slight pause. "Can you come over anyway?"

[imafuturist]

"For moral support?" Tony asked.

[heroic_jawline]

"Kind of?" Steve said with a pained grunt as the plant squeezed around his stomach. "Maybe bring a gauntlet?"

[imafuturist]

"I am now offically alarmed," Tony informed him, picking up his pace to go to Wanda's place.

[heroic_jawline]

"How are you with semi-sentient plants?" Steve asked, trying to swing and get some momentum to at least get down from the ceiling before Tony arrived.

So far, no dice.

[imafuturist]

"Well, there was an alien, talking plant that one time," Tony admitted. Because what even was his life? "Is it saying anything about being Groot?"

[heroic_jawline]

"Are you Groot?" Steve asked the plant. "I'm Steve Rogers."

The plant, not being Groot, did not reply.

"Doesn't seem like it."

[imafuturist]

"Okay, so no. No, I am not an expert in that specific sentient plant," Tony said. You know. Helpfully.

[heroic_jawline]

"Good to know," Steve grunted, trying to punch another branch thing that was getting a little handsy.

For a branch. It didn't actually have hands.

"The door's unlocked when you get here."

[imafuturist]

"I'll be there shortly," Tony said, hanging up and giving his coffee a forlorn look before putting it in a nearby garbage to jog the rest of the way there.

"Steve?" He called out as he stepped through the doorway.

[heroic_jawline]

"Up here," Steve said, sounding deeply frustrated. "Wanda didn't mention a plant."

A plant that had Steve hogtied on the ceiling.

[imafuturist]

"...you know, somehow still not what I expected to find."

[heroic_jawline]

"Me or the interior decorating?" Steve asked.

[imafuturist]

"Can I say both?" Tony offered, summoning the armor patiently.

[heroic_jawline]

"That's fair," Steve said, giving the branches another hard tug.

[imafuturist]

"Is it magic?" Silly question, of course it was magic, Anthony.

[heroic_jawline]

"I'm not normally outsmarted by a plant," Steve said with a grunt, "so I say yes."

[imafuturist]

A gauntlet wooshed onto an outstretched hand of Tony's as the rest of the armor was still on it's way. You know. Just in case.

"I guess we should be lucky you're the one that found it and not anyone else," Tony suggested, trying to decide what was the easiest way to go about this without collateral damage.

[heroic_jawline]

"Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it," Steve said dryly, yanking at more branches. "Hey now," he told the plant. "Above the waist."

[imafuturist]

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Audrey II," Tony snapped, reaching up to snag one of the tendrils to rip it off.

[heroic_jawline]

"Thank you!" Steve said, now hanging by one ankle as the plant recoiled from Tony. "Let's not ruin Wanda's chance of getting her deposit back."

[imafuturist]

"I'll cover the expense," Tony promised, reaching for the other one now. Because that's just how he showed he cared. By acting like a sugar daddy.

[heroic_jawline]

"Or we can just not wreck the place," Steve said firmly. "Well. Maybe we can figure out where the red light's from."

[imafuturist]

"Red light?" Tony asked, making a face as he gave that other tendril a tug. "Isn't that just Wanda's..."

Wiggling the fingers on his free hand said nothing and everything at the same time in regards to her magic.

[heroic_jawline]

"I thought it would turn off if she wasn't here," Steve admitted.

[imafuturist]

"Magic is weird and ridiculous and stupid," Tony, a man who lived and breathed technology and science said sullenly.

[heroic_jawline]

"Well, I'm still hanging from a plant," Steve said, "so I can't argue."

[imafuturist]

"I'm working on it!" Tony promised, trying his best to not damage anything, but also free him.

[heroic_jawline]

"Thank you!" Steve said, doing an upside crunch to reach his boots and tug, too.

[imafuturist]

"Show off," Tony muttered before finally just shooting a repulsor blast at the base of the plant.

[heroic_jawline]

Peak of human perfection's gotta peak sometimes, Tony.

"Don't kill the poor thing," Steve warned.

[imafuturist]

"I don't think I can get you free without killing it!" He was trying here, but it was an evil, sentient plant.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve sighed heavily. "I guess we can get her another one?"

[imafuturist]

"A plastic one," Tony agreed, as the rest of the armor formed around him and he blasted at the base of the plant where it was still within the pot.

There was going to be a mess for them to clean after this.

[heroic_jawline]

...good thing Steve had brought a garbage bag? Sorry, Wanda.

Steve fell from the ceiling, tucking and rolling and not breaking any furniture. He was calling that a win.

"Thank you."

[imafuturist]

"You're welcome, citizen," Tony said through the modulated tone of the armor. Because he was an absolute shit head. "I'm helping you clean, aren't I?"

[heroic_jawline]

"You did make some of the mess," Steve said, grinning. "I'll take the kitchen, you finish out here, we'll be done in no time."

[imafuturist]

"I'm buying her a roomba," Tony said, pouting as the armor peeled away from him to step out of.

[heroic_jawline]

"Will it turn into an evil roomba?" Steve asked.

[imafuturist]

Tony was silent for a moment. "Okay, you could have just said 'no roomba,'" he grumbled.

[heroic_jawline]

"I'm sure this didn't start as an evil plant," Steve said. "Wanda's been going through something."

[imafuturist]

"Oh," Tony said, looking down at the remains of the plant. "Our folks kind of stuff or personal stuff?"

[heroic_jawline]

"A combination of the two," Steve said, rattling the trash bag. "Let's do this first, then talk at home?"

He didn't want to accidentally upset the apartment, which might be a real thing.

[imafuturist]

Tony nodded at that one slowly. "I still think this was a trick to get me to help you clean," he said, picking up the scattered plant bits.

[heroic_jawline]

"Yes, I intentionally provoked a giant, living-room-eating plant to make you clean," Steve said dryly.

[imafuturist]

"You know, I wouldn't put it past you," Tony said as he worked. "You're stubborn like that."

[heroic_jawline]

Steve laughed through the regret that was the combination of super-senses and opening a fridge that had not been opened in a while. "Keep cleaning, Tony."

[imafuturist]

"J, reminder to buy a new plant for Wanda," he said, pointing at the suit.

"Reminder set," JARVIS' voice replied from it.

[heroic_jawline]

"Maybe a plastic one?" Steve advised. "A small plastic one."

[imafuturist]

"Plastic," Tony added, nodding at Steve for that. "A nice one? They make nice ones, right?"

[heroic_jawline]

"Sure?" Steve said, frowning as he came into the room. "I haven't bought a lot of plants."

[imafuturist]

"We'll say there are." He'd definitely spent for it to be a good one. "How bad is the fridge?"

[heroic_jawline]

Steve wrinkled his nose. "Well. Not great."

[imafuturist]

"That sounds like a job for a team leader," Tony called, very glad to not have to do it.

[heroic_jawline]

"Aren't you a team leader sometimes?" Steve asked.

[imafuturist]

"Different team!" That was a cop out. A total cop out. Because someone didn't want to touch slimy vegetables in plastic containers.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve's snort was extremely eloquent. "Think Wanda will mind if I don't recycle these containers?"

Because the environment, but also the grossness.

[imafuturist]

"J, add new containers to the list!"

Wanda was going to come back to a new apartment at this rate.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve chuckled and dumped something that might've been stew once into the bag. "Thank you!"

[imafuturist]

"She'll have a nice, clean place to come back to," Tony said, awkwardly sweeping up plant detritus. "It's a belated Christmas gift!"

[heroic_jawline]

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it," Steve said. "There's nothing worse than opening the door to a mess."

Well, there were a lot of worse things, but it was definitely high on the list of annoyances.

[imafuturist]

"Maybe a sentient plant bent on murder?" Anthony, no.

[heroic_jawline]

"I don't know if I'd jump straight to murder," Steve called over the sound of running water. Because he was also washing dishes.

[imafuturist]

"I would!" Of course he would.

[heroic_jawline]

"It was a plant," Steve said. "What was it going to do, eat me?"

[imafuturist]

"Some plants eat people!" Only in the Savage Land, really. Which he didn't even know about yet!

[heroic_jawline]

"I'm pretty sure Wanda would've mentioned her man eating plant!"

[imafuturist]

"I'm not saying she knew!" Which was clearly a big difference.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve laughed. "Wait'll I tell her about it."

[imafuturist]

"Just don't send her a fruit basket," he just had to tease.

[heroic_jawline]

"What about a charcoal of a fruit basket?"

[imafuturist]

"That might be nice," Tony had to admit.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve reemerged from the kitchen smelling faintly of cleaning supplies and holding the garbage bag, finished with his project. "I don't think she'd want me to track her down in New Asgard. I'll take a picture of it and send it."

[imafuturist]

Tony frowned and mouthed 'new' to himself before powering on through with his bag of plant parts. "Well, maybe you can give it to her when she comes back?"

[heroic_jawline]

"I don't when that's going to be," Steve admitted. "I'm going to toss this down the chute," he added, shaking the bag and oh, the smell, the smell.

[imafuturist]

"This too!" Tony said, offering him the other bag as he took that part of it in.

[heroic_jawline]

"I'm doing this for you because I love you," Steve told him on the way out.

[imafuturist]

"I love you more for it!"

[heroic_jawline]

Steve laughed. "Okay, can you check to make sure all the non-glowy red lights are out and then we can go when I get back?"

[imafuturist]

"Aye, aye, Captain," Tony replied with a sloppy little salute as he went to get those lights turned off.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve smiled but his eyes went serious. "And then I'll read you in."

Well, that was very formal, Steve.

[imafuturist]

"Okay," Tony said, repressing the urge to make a joke at the look in Steve's eyes.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve pressed his lips together in a tiny smile. "It'll be okay."

[imafuturist]

"Okay," Tony said quietly with a little nod. "Okay. We can get you a pizza or three on the way home."

And a coffee to make up for what Tony had to abandon to rescue him.

[heroic_jawline]

"Sounds like a swell idea," Steve said. "I'll be right back."

[imafuturist]

Which left Tony eyeing any lingering red light warily as he shut off the actual lights. "I'm a different Tony," he tried telling the apartment as a whole. In case that helped.

[heroic_jawline]

It couldn't hurt! Probably!

"Okay, we can head out now," Steve said, lingering by the doorway. "I'll be sure to lock the door. Wanda was afraid she'd forgotten to on her way out."

And while the crime rate on Fandom was laughably low, Steve wasn't taking chances.

[imafuturist]

Tony gave him a little smile as he walked past him to let that happen, brushing a hand over Steve's arm along the way.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve was grateful for the reassurance and smiled back while he locked the door, then double-checked it was really stuck.

"Okay," he said. "Lead on."