Apartment Above Stark Industries

[heroic_jawline]

Steve was back from his normal run and enjoying the air conditioning of their apartment (which he'd turned up a little bit to make himself feel less guilty about being engaged to an engineering genius while everyone else was melting in the heat) and had showered and changed and was now sprawled out on the sofa with his Stark tablet, going through more of the exposed SHIELD files that Natasha had flagged for him in an email titled "Tugging on that Thread."

It was probably a bad idea to be reading the information, but Steve couldn't help himself. He'd been chasing Bucky for years and had gotten exactly nowhere. Maybe what SHIELD, well, Hydra, had on his past would give him some more leads to follow.

[OOC: For that guy! Let's detonate MCU canon today, shall we?]

Comments

[heroic_jawline]

"How so?" Steve asked.

[imafuturist]

"I haven't talked about that to anyone," Tony said, making a face. "Unless I was drunk."

Poor Rhodey got the brunt of it.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve pulled Tony's legs into his lap, half to stop him from trying to flee the conversation. (He knew them both a little too well.) "I've noticed," he said. "I didn't know you were avoiding talking about Howard to protect me, though."

[imafuturist]

Yeah, but fleeing would make this easier to handle! Maybe. Kinda. Sort of.

"You feel the loss so deeply," Tony was helpless but to say. "I don't want to hurt you with more."

[heroic_jawline]

Steve started giving Tony a foot massage to give his hands something to do. "But then my brain just fills in with what-ifs," he said. "I lived in a poor neighborhood during the Depression. There's not a lot of dysfunction I haven't at least heard whispers about."

[imafuturist]

"I kind of hate this," Tony muttered against his shoulder. "I'm too used to diplomatic responses to this."

[heroic_jawline]

"You don't have tell me," Steve said, kissing his hair. "You might feel better if you do, though."

[imafuturist]

"That I only ever knew the bitter man who would only show affection to me when there was a camera pointed at the family?" Did his desperate need for approval make sense now?

[heroic_jawline]

Steve's expression kind of collapsed for a second--he had a terrible poker face even on the best day--and he hugged Tony tighter. "You didn't deserve any of that," he said firmly.

[imafuturist]

"I don't want that to happen to me," Tony said, sounding maybe a little desperate.

[heroic_jawline]

"That you'll only show affection when someone's watching?" Steve asked softly, carding one hand through Tony's hair.

[imafuturist]

"That I'll become that angry and bitter if we have a family."

[heroic_jawline]

"I've seen you with the kids who have come through here on the weekends, and also you with the kids in our classes, and I don't think you will," Steve said earnestly. "I also think Howard's issues were way bigger than just you, sweetheart."

[imafuturist]

Tony hugged him, not giving into that fight or flight instinct that pounded away at his chest with this topic.

"It scares me, though. More than most things."

[heroic_jawline]

Steve placed his hand over Tony's heart. "I can see that," he said softly. "Is it because I knew him as a pretty fun guy and that doesn't track at all with what you experienced?"

[imafuturist]

"Yes," Tony said when he wanted to at least try to soften that a little.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve kept his eyes focused on Tony and nodded, biting his lower lip. "You think it's more than just war changing people?"

[imafuturist]

"I don't know," Tony replied, placing his hand over Steve's to rub the back of with his thumb. "It's easier that way, isn't it?"

[heroic_jawline]

Steve nodded. "And he worked closely with the Commandos. I went down not long after Bucky fell--but I don't want to make this about me, or the two of us. People change for all kinds of reasons."

[imafuturist]

"You wouldn't put up with that," Tony said, whether it was to confirm to himself or Steve was up in the air.

Because it weirdly was good to know.

[heroic_jawline]

"I would not," Steve said firmly, stroking Tony's face.

[imafuturist]

"Good," he said firmly, leaning in to kiss him. "They say we're shaped by the relationship we see growing up. I don't want that."

[heroic_jawline]

"Maybe it's shaped you to realize that is not what you want," Steve suggested.

[imafuturist]

Tony kissed him again for that. "Sometimes I think I'd be lost without you."

[heroic_jawline]

"I know I would be," Steve said, "but then I think that makes me sound like I'm in too deep."